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Episode 3 : My Biggest Regret

Less than a month ago at one of my training, flagship training called The New Rules of Professional Networking, I became the topic of a joke, and I deserved it. In the third episode of Networking with Paritosh Pathak, I want to bring out today one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my career, and I want to decode that. That how horribly wrong I have been in and the price that I'm paying. And the reason I want to discuss this mistake is so that I can help you, who are probably making the same mistake right now. I can help you not make that mistake anymore. Okay. What happened at NRP on the new rules of professional networking? We were talking about networking on social media, and my social media presence isn't very strong. 

I'm an introvert, and being on social media creates a lot of pressure on my mind. So as a result of that, I've given into my reasons, excuses, and I've not created even a reasonable, half decent social media presence. But I had to teach social media. And when I know that I have myself not done what I'm teaching, it's an internal conflict. I'm in front of so many people, and I'm saying, okay, I'm going to teach you how to network on social media while I myself am not doing what I know, what I'm teaching, and it's inauthentic. So how do I deal with that? I tell everyone that, hey, okay, guys, we're going to now discuss how to network on social media. But before we go there, let me tell you that my presence is not good. I know it well. 

I've taught a lot of people. People that I've taught are doing amazingly well, but I myself am not there because I'm introvert, et cetera. And this one girl from the crowd gets up, says, bertha Shaw, want to say something? Okay, go and tell me. She says, you know, when one of my friends told me about this workshop, he said, you're one of the best trainers out there, and I have to attend this program of yours. So I thought, okay, cool. I've never heard of this guy Paritosh. Let me check him out. If he's such a good trainer, I will be able to find stuff. She said, I wanted to feel what kind of message you give. So she went to my YouTube. My last video was around six months ago. 

She went to my Facebook, not too many posts, some little work here and there on Instagram. And she said, and I'm never going to forget this, okay? She said, Paritosh, I thought that this was a scam that I'm going to pay my money and I'm actually never going to get the training. Now, guys, this was embarrassing. This was humiliating, right? But this was well deserved for me. And this is what I want to discuss with you today. I don't want to discuss social media with you today, right? But I want to have this conversation now. What's going on? I just told you that I'm an introvert and going on social media posting, et cetera, it's just not my thing. Along with being an introvert, I'm a green brain. Green brains are people who don't like structured working. 

We are chaotic, creative people, and we like to work in the space of ideas, long term thinking, results, et cetera. Doing things today, not our thing. So there was a point in time when I did not know this about me. I just knew that I didn't like social media, et cetera. So what I was doing was I was constantly telling myself that it's okay, right? People are going to come offline, they're going to attend the program, and they're going to talk about it. It's okay if I'm not on social media. I was finding reasons to confirm to myself that it's okay to not do what I know I should do. Now, there's a technical term for it. The technical term is called confirmation bias. 

Anytime we look at a set of data and we conclude what we want to conclude, not what the data is telling us, right? Anytime we do that, we're biased towards confirming what we want to confirm. And that's what I was doing. I was giving into confirmation bias where I was looking at the data, I was like, okay, it's okay. The world is talking about social media. It's okay. I know it's important, but it's okay if I don't do it, et cetera. So as a result of that, guys, here's the situation today. Let me put some salt and pepper on my own wound, okay? I did pretty good work today. I train some of the most amazing people out there. I coach them right? 

I work with some of the biggest names in the corporate world, and some really amazing business owners are my clients. I run programs and I'm doing great work. But the visibility of that work is limited only to the people who are directly dealing with me. And that visibility is not going out. Now, it's okay if I say this, but look at this. I've been in the game for twelve years, and for twelve years I have been making this mistake. Listen to this. Very specifically for twelve years, I did not do what I should have done when I could have done it. I did not do what I should have done when I could have done it. And as a result of that, today I'm realizing that I'm paying amazingly well, not amazing, horrible price, cost. Because of that. 

Because I have given into my convenience and I've not gone out and done what I should have done. I have not done what I was telling people they should be doing. And when it came to others, I was telling them, you should do this, you should do that. But when it came to me. I had reasons and excuses. Right? Now this may make you think that I'm not a good coach and maybe I'm not. Who knows? I don't really know. But here's the thing. It's not about me today. I want you to learn a very important lesson. And I want you to ask yourself where in your life are you currently doing things, currently not doing things that you know that you should be doing? 

And you have the resources to do it today, but you are giving into reasons just like I have for the last twelve years. Is it exercise taking care of your health? Is it studying learning programs? Is it building systems and processes around you? What is it in your life that you're not doing right now? And I want to tell you this today, it's not going to matter a lot to you because you will have other things keeping you busy. When I was not doing social media, I had other programs that were going well. And because those programs were going well, I was like, okay, this is going well. I can ignore that today. And I did. But twelve years later, I have so much regret. I'm dealing with it, but I've got so much regret about how much time I've wasted. 

I started using social media. I tried multiple things, videos, posts, et cetera. And then I just did not continue long enough just because it wasn't convenient for me. Where in your life are you doing the same today? Where are you making up excuses? Where are you giving into confirmation bias and looking at data the way you want you to look at? Okay? So I want you to remember the statement that when we do not do what we know we should and when we could have done it, we're going to pay a great price. Okay? And this is what we do when it comes to relationships, networking. And this is the conversation I really want to have with you today, that there's a pattern out there. A lot of business owners, employees, right? 

What they're doing is they've got great relationships, but they're just getting stale and stale. They're just getting older and older. And all those relationships are just a phone call away. You just have to pick up your phone, dial the number, call someone and say, hey, long time. How have you been? I just called to say hello, is everything okay? That's all it's going to take. But you're not doing it. You're not going and meeting your customers. In the world of business owners, in the world of business owners, one of the most important categories in your networking strategy, one of the most important categories is your customers. And at the same time, one of the most ignored categories is your customers. What a business owner does is that the moment a customer gets onboarded, the business owner says, okay, done. 

This one is in. Let me go after another one. And we don't go and meet our customers. We don't go and talk to them, even though we know we should. And then confirmation bias kicks in. Oh, if I go and talk to them, they're going to complain about the product and service. Oh, if I go and talk to them, they're going to ask for discounts. They're going to wonder, why am I needy? Et cetera, et cetera. All those fears, et cetera, are going to kick in, and then you're not going to go and meet them. And then a couple of years later, you're going to be sitting and wondering, why don't my customers refer to me? What's going on? And it's just not going to be limited to your customers, right? There's one very powerful code. 

The way we do anything is the way we do everything. So if you're ignoring your customers, you're ignoring your valuable relationships, and it's going to happen across various aspects of your life. It's not just going to be limited to your customers. You're going to end up ignoring your friends. Ask yourself, are there people today here's a question. Are there people today in your life that you know that you should be meeting, that you should be talking to for whatever reason, but you are hesitating and not picking up the phone and not making that call or not making that visit? Are there such people? If yes, change that. Don't make the mistakes that Mr. Pathak has made. Don't do that. I'm telling you. 

I'm telling you today, I'm being very honest, that I really wish that I should have got my act right sooner, before today, right? And that's why I'm starting this podcast. That's why I'm doing this. And I want to change how I do things today. When I put up a video, it's got very few views, and that burns. That really burns. And I'm letting it burn. I'm owning it. I'm accepting that burn, right? I'm not going into regret, and I'm not saying that oh my God. Oh my God. It's going to be embarrassing. Yes, it's embarrassing. Twelve years in the game, doing amazing work. But if you go and check me out online, hardly anything. 

And I'm coming out and saying it in front of you because I want to own this so that I can move past the fear, so that I can move fast, move past the limiting mindset and actually do something right? And here I am, recording this podcast, bringing this message, owning my reality, my current reality, that is, and committed to changing it. And now when I'm doing it feels amazing. That's the best part. Now when I've actually decided not to let my barriers and limitations and excuses and biases come in. And when I'm here recording this, it feels amazing. When I put this out, it feels great. And I go and wonder, why did I not do it? Although if it was this much fun. If it was this easy, what was I waiting for? 

And the truth guys, is this that I actually never had a real problem. I didn't. I was just making up reasons and excuses to not do something that I just wasn't comfortable with. And I'm paying the cost today, right? So are you doing the same? Are you putting things away that you know that you should be doing right now? If you are, stop doing that. Don't be like me, better. I want you to be better. Not better than me, better than yourself. I want you to be a better version of yourself. I want you to do things that you go and you pat your back and say good work. Because the biggest nonrenewable resource in our life guys, is time. It's not coming back. Once it's gone, it's just not coming back. And I want you to be clear about this, okay? 

So this is what I want you to do. Grab a piece of paper, list down things that are important for your long term success, right? Okay. One more conversation before I tell you what to do. Understand this. What's happening here? Why did I make this mistake? There's this code of mine. I want to show you that we're often compromising long term success for a short term gain. We are often compromising long term success for a short term gain. In the early days when my survival was important, when my business engine had to start running, I had to start making money, my short term gain was important. 

So what I was doing was constantly telling myself, okay, let me deal with this now let me deal with this, that can wait, let me deal with this, that can wait, let me deal with this, that can wait. And I kept doing this and that can wait. Just became a routine, it became a habit. So what I was doing was because I had priorities and now I ignored the things that would have helped me become successful in the long term and compromise my long term success for short term gain. Okay? What I want you to do is become aware of what are the things that you really have to do for your long term success. Because those are the things that we put off the most. 

The reason we are not working out today is because our body's, okay, we're able to make do, right? And all that fitness, et cetera that we're going to need for an advanced age, 40, 50 plus. So we're like, okay, yeah, we have time and that we have time. Keeps becoming a pattern and we keep putting those actions that are going to be so important for our survival tomorrow that need to start building from today, we keep putting them away. Okay? So grab a piece of paper, list down, what are those actions that are important for your long term success? And just start doing just a little right. Just do a little bit of it. Start don't be like Paritosh. 

Well, in these areas, there are other areas where you should be like Paritosh. Okay? But, hey, don't be like Paritosh. Don't be like me. Don't make this mistake, because there's going to be some time when your survival is going to be taken care of. Maybe it already is there for you. So our biggest enemy in our success is our excuses and justification and our mindset. And my goal today from this conversation is to just bring this in front and knock on your door and open this possibility that, hey, time to do something. Okay, cool. I hope you've enjoyed listening to this. Do leave a comment, please. Do leave a comment. Let me know what you thought about it. Okay? What else do you want to talk about? Just keep talking back. Let me know. All right, take care, guys. God bless. 

And then sometimes we resort to extreme measures, right? Making huge investments in different aspects. Could be platforms, could be cars, could be associations. We all have good intentions, but often we end up doing it wrong. And today is the session where we decode this. We're going to decode what it really takes to build amazing relationships with amazing people? Okay, cool. Number one, there's one thing I want you to remember from this podcast, and that is that everyone can see everyone's truth. Let's look into this. Does this happen to you? 

That when you're out there, you're networking with people, you're having conversations, you're at vetting functions, et cetera, you are able to tell when somebody is not really being authentic, when somebody's trying to show themselves to be bigger and better than who they really are or when they are showing off, maybe when they're being inauthentic. Are you able to tell? Well, the answer should be yes because yes, you can. Because you do have this ability to identify inconsistencies. When who we are and what we're doing is not aligned, our brain can actually identify that. Now one, I want you to start listening to this inner voice that is telling you about people, whether they're being authentic or not. I want you to feed this, hone it. It's usually right. Usually there are some exceptions as well. 

Now, what's really happening, the science of this is that when I know what I'm doing or saying is not really true, it shifts my behavior. It makes me conscious, it makes me cautious. And that changes my body language. And that brings inconsistency between who I am and what I'm doing. And this inconsistency can be seen by other people. For example, you. You may call it that Paritosh is not comfortable. You may call it that Paritosh is in ego. You may call it whatever. You're going to see me, my behavior from your filters, how your outlook of the world is. But one very interesting thing to note here is that you may end up judging me, but I would be the cause. Yeah, I would be the cause. That inconsistency came from me. 

You looked at it from your filters and then you formed an opinion about me. Far too often we're going around and putting the blame and responsibility on other people and saying, you know what? That person's not good. They do this, they do that. And hardly ever we go inward and say, hey, could it be me? Could it be me who could be causing this behavior? One of the ways you can look at it is just start looking at your life in terms of patterns, what kind of patterns are existing out there so at large, what are the opinions people have about you? People are forming about you, what are people saying about you? Look at repetitive patterns and that'll start to tell you what's there in you. 

If you're open, if you're not coming in ego, if you're willing to learn, you'll start to see it. So coming back to the core idea here, everyone can see everyone's truths and you can see the truth of other people. There's an inner voice telling you and you need to start feeding that inner voice. But this also raises another question. If you can see the truth of other people, can other people see your truth? Think about it. The answer you may not like that is absolutely yes. Even other people can see your truth. When you're not being authentic, when you are showing yourself to be bigger and better, when you're trying to prove a point, when you're trying too hard, when you're not comfortable in your skin, people can tell. 

It doesn't matter right now the way we are conditioned and brought up, no one's going to come to you and say, hey, you know what? I can tell you're not being real. No one's going to say that. No one's looking for a fight, no one's looking to coach you've not paid them. No one's looking to get onto your bad side. They're just going to form an opinion about you. Go talk about you behind your back the way you do that for other people. Yeah, exactly the same way. But at the end of it you are the cause. That's the bad news. And it's also the good news because if you're the cause, you can control it. Now what are we talking about here? What is the point that I'm trying to come to? 

And the point is this that the most valuable aspect of networking when you're out there building relationships with anyone is something called authenticity. Think about it. If other people can always see my truth, if they can anyways figure out whether I'm comfortable or not, whether I'm as big as I'm talking about or not, whether I'm really trying to help them or not, whatever I'm trying to do, if other people can tell that, I might as well be authentic. This is one of the most valued aspects of networking. The most loved people, the most loved people by most people are the people who are authentic, who are really true to who they are. Think about it. Humility is our ability to be honest with yourself. When I'm at a stage in life where I may be struggling and I'm honest about that's humility. 

Humility is not just when I've become big and I'm being helped, people say humble. When I'm being kind, courteous, open, receptive. Now, yeah, of course that is humility. But that's not only humility. When I'm going through a rough phase in my life, I'm open to acknowledging that and I'm not trying to hide it. I'm not trying to pretend I'm being humble. I'm being authentic, I'm being real. Most loved people by the most people are the people who are real. So if you truly are looking to build great relationships with great people, this is a catch. Great relationships with great people, authenticity is the key. I personally have been in situations so many times in the early days in my career where I was in front of amazingly successful people, amazing people. And that created such huge pressure on me. 

And I'm like, oh my God, I'm in front of this person. And then I got into proving that hey, I'm doing this right. I'm doing that while I'm doing that while you know what? Now I know they could see me trying too hard. And because I was trying too hard, I couldn't build a relationship with them. Their barriers came up, their judgment came up. And if I'm being honest today, I know some really successful people today with whom I probably don't have a great relationship because at one point in time I used to be the pretending kind and they could tell and they didn't respect that, right? And I'm going to have to work really hard to change those perceptions today. I can only do that when I understand that they saw my truth and they might have judged me. 

Yeah, that's on them. But the cause was me. That's number one. Everyone can see everyone's truth. So start being authentic as much as you can. I'm not saying that you change the game and you go absolute, 100% honest. No common sense applies. But start listening to that inner voice. Start realizing how you're feeling. When you start to feel uncomfortable and people are around you know that there is something happening inside that might force you to change your behavior. And at that point in time you need to make a choice. Step number two, I want you to be aware that how you feel about yourself matters the most when it comes down to networking with other people, it's not what they feel about you. 

What you feel about them is going to be the cause, as we have just discussed, of what perception they form about you. So being aware of how you're feeling about yourself and being aware of how you want to feel about yourself. Making that choice should be your number one priority. And here is a catch that I want to warn you about. This is not about ego. This is not about you coming into a space where you are saying, you know what, this is who I am, this is what I do, and I'm going to be like this, only it doesn't matter. No, that's not ego. If you're out there networking, it's about other people as well. So it can't be just about you. But you do have to choose how you want to feel about yourself? 

Being okay with who you are and owning it has got to be your number one priority when it comes to building amazing relationships. And these could be relationships within your house, with your family, with your spouse, with your kids, with your siblings, with your friends, with your cousins. It could be with your official network, or it could be with people who are far more successful than you. And to do this, you need to start defining yourself with what you are good at, what are your strengths, and not define yourself with your weaknesses. Too many people out there today are constantly looking at what's wrong in them, what makes them weak, what they are not good at, and they're constantly focusing on that in order to define themselves. And most people don't even know that they're doing this, but that doesn't help. 

This is something that we have to take charge of. Let me be very clear. There's never going to be a time in your life ever that you're not going to have any weakness, that you're not going to have anything that is not okay. There's never going to be that time. But there's always going to be a time in your life, always, where you're always going to have some strengths. Now, let's say you're someone who cannot have great conversations. You are an introverted kind of person. You can't really approach someone and leave a deep impact on their mind with a particular conversation. That's your weakness. And if you're constantly focusing on that, oh my God, I can't do this, I can't network like that person, I can't do this, I can't do that, then that's going to become stronger. But instead, what's your strength? 

Are you a good friend? Are you someone who is real? Are you someone who is great at what they do, at your business, at your product, at your service, whatever? Is that your strength? Whatever your strength is, build on that. Should you be working on your weaknesses? Yes. But your 70% of your focus should be going on your strengths, leveraging your strengths, building your strengths, whatever you're good at, if you're a great friend, that if you're a genuine person, that if you're truly committed to the commitments that you make, that 70% of your focus should be on your strengths. And your 30% on your weakness. Let me ask you a question. What is the focus that you're giving right now on your strength versus your weakness? Chances are it's the exact opposite, that you're probably giving 30% of your strength. 

Focus on your strengths and 70% of your awareness, your energy, et cetera, is going around thinking about worrying about, what are you not good at? You can't do this, you can't do that. What are the people thinking? You want to go talk to that person, but why would that person talk to you? All of that is perhaps taking a lot of energy. And if that's happening, it's time to change that. Know that you will always be a work in progress. Always. There's never going to be a time that you're not going to be a work in progress. There's no one on the planet who's not a work in progress, no one who doesn't have a weakness. 

But if you're going out there and your weaknesses are playing on your mind that I'm not good at this, I'm not good at that, and you're going out there with that kind of mindset, all your energy is going to go on, that you're going to become stiff. You're not going to approach people. You're not even going to do what you can do. But if you focus on your strength, if you change your mindset and you focus on your strength and you say, okay, you know what? This is what I'm good at, and you start approaching people with that, it changes the game, right? It's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay to go around carrying the pressure of not being okay, because that changes who you really are. 

Number three, understand that the number one relationship that you really have to build is the one with yourself. People don't respond to what you do. They respond to who you are. So if you are the kind of person who's constantly thinking that you're not good enough, that's what people are responding to. If you think that you are someone of value and people would really love to network with you and care for you, that's what people would respond to. So the number one thing that you have to do is build a great relationship with yourself. And to do that, you have to stop defining yourself with where you are and what you have today. Stop defining yourself with your turnover, with your net worth, with your salary, with the house, with the car, with the looks, with the clothes, with your conversational ability. 

Stop defining yourself with all of that and start defining yourself with your potential, who you have the potential to become. What you have the potential to become is what matters the most, right? It's not about where you are today. No. It's about being clear about where you're going in life, who you are trying to become. You can choose to have your worth defined by what you have today or what you're trying to build? And when you focus on where you're going, what are you trying to achieve, who you're trying to become? It changes your conversation. It changes your behavior. It changes your body language. It changes your confidence, because then at any given moment, you're not really worried about what's not okay. And you're constantly focused upon what you can bring to the world? What can you make happen? Right? Here's the thing. 

You need to come to a place where when you see yourself in the mirror, you respect yourself. You see someone that you like, that you value, and you look at that person and say, you know what? I like this person, and I want you to try this today. Once you've listened to this podcast, go stand in front of a mirror and really look at yourself. Really do that and become aware of what you're feeling when you're looking at yourself. Are you feeling respect for the person that you see in the mirror? If that oh, man, you are doing so amazing. And if you're struggling to look at yourself, oh, man. You really have to make this a priority. 

Whatever you choose to focus on about yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever is what the other people will be able to see, because what you focus on will come into your behavior, and what comes into your behavior is what's seen by other people. Okay, so you change this by choosing your strands. Let's do a quick recap. Number one, authenticity is at the core. Everyone can see everyone's teeth. There's no point in even trying to hide it. In fact, the more successful that people become, they really become good at sensing the real value of the person in front of them. They really become good because they've traveled that distance. They've worked with so many people, and they just have a lot of experience in this. Number two, you're never going to be perfect. And that's okay. It's okay not to be okay. 

What's not okay? To be going around worried about? It's okay. Cool. And number three, become the kind of person who does whatever you have to do, whatever you must do in order to become the kind of person that you respect. And the day that happens, you will see your world changing. All right, cool. So that's another truth bomb dropped on you today in this episode of Networking with Paritosh. If you are enjoying this conversation, do check out W dot . Take care and take some time to build a great relationship with yourself. God bless. 

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